Dear Diary,

I really think that being honest is a way of not caring about people. Not that I discourage being honest, it feels like an unknown truth among people. This can also be said for people who do not speak often or speak with lies only. 


If I put myself in a position in which saying the truth may shut the other person’s mouth, I would say the simple truth. It also goes the same with lying or not saying anything at all. With little energy left in me, I try to be as economical as I can be. However, this does not mean that I do not get curious sometimes. Once in a blue moon, I miss the taste of having someone to listen to. 


With that being said, these are the possibilities of a conversation for me excluding the discussions I am having with people. We can say that I preserve my time and effort to judge and persuade. It is my biggest weakness and strength at the same time. That is why letting it- the only quality of mine that makes me stand out a little- disappear is hard and scary. I suspect that the lack of love I have towards myself causes this fear. And to be honest, I have no intention of being an easy-going person.


Swinging between emotions, thoughts and not knowing if easy-going people are the ones I am against, I would like to conclude by apologizing for my mental confusion reflected on this piece of writing. I hope you will have a great morning, evening, afternoon and night…


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