If I

There are two different types of people in this world Nietzsche said, those who want to know, and those who want to believe.Nietzsche haven’t said it to divide people into two different categories but rather tried to show how a person approaches a single subject.In my case it was defeat.


I was in my last year of collage.All I did was study and spend my days inside dreaming of my perfect future and perfect job.Looking my family in the face and being able to say it is time for me to pay you all this back.

Into our first half of the year our professor told that an intern would be chosen near the end of the semester.I was so exited ,after all this time I finally had the chance to prove myself and I was so sure that I would get it, no one was working harder than me, in fact I was working ten times harder than everyone in that class.There was no chance of that opportunity to slip between my hands and I wasn’t going to let that happen.

I haven’t slept for days, drowning myself in coffee and textbooks.I was sleep deprived and slowly it started taking me a long time to concentrate.I wasn’t concerned though, even I was resting my eyes in class I made myself believe that I would work even harder that day.

When that big day came, you can imagine how dissapointed I was.I was devastated when I found out another girl took my place.I didn’t even remember seeing her in the class at all.She must have one of those rich families who found themselves to have the right to bribe the teachers and take places of the one’s that really deserve their place.I haven’t dug it much of course because I was angry and made myself believe in a lie that I wanted to believe.I was desperate and hold on to that lie for my dear life.

Couple of weeks later that girl came to talk with me, I suppose it was my staring that caused her to feel the need to explain.She told me her being introvert delayed her talk with me.I wanted to burry my head in sand like an ostrich after that talk.Later I learned  we were in the same class for that four years and I haven’t noticed her once since she liked sitting in the back.I was a booksmart  but you could smell her intelligence from the way she talked.I didn’t spend my time socializing much, so it wasn’t a surprise that our stars never aligned.We were off the school couple of months later and if I stopped blaming others for my actions and tried to learn about this clever person more I would have gotten to know a great friend earlier.

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