Just a Plan

We’ve been through a lot since yesterday. One thing after another… And I don’t even remember some. I realized I was at the airport when I came to myself. I was trying to remember all that had happened. My eyes were searching for him, the person who changed my life.

-22 hours ago-

I was waiting for the discharge procedures to be completed in my hospital room. I looked up and saw him leaning against the door. He was looking at me with his charming smile. That smile was so different from the usual one, it was the smile that he only shows me which is much more sincere. I was familiar with this expression from our childhood times. It was clear that he was going to ask for something.

Without further ado, I got to the point and asked what he wanted. The answer I got in return was very short, which I was not expecting, “A plan.”

He took me to his place. Our crew was waiting for us there. The moment I walked in I knew they needed me. We wanted to take revenge, as in the plans we always had.  We were doing it for our own benefit, without harming anyone.  Maybe we were doing it to get over our past, but it didn’t seem to work very well.  We were counting where we were, all we did was hide behind our plans and shelve our past for a short time.  We were doing our best to escape from our pasts that would fall back into our laps at the slightest shake. It was a futile effort, but worth a try.

We were all spacing out for a while. When we came back to reality, they immediately told me not to join the plan. I didn’t have the strength to resist. The only thing I could do was nodding. I wanted to help them, but they were right, I had just been discharged from the hospital. I had no right to endanger them or myself. There were just a couple of hours left before going to the manufacturer. Only thing we needed was some photos from there. 

It may seem like a simple plan, but getting in was the hardest. I was watching them from afar. I was going to join them only if there was an emergency. Of course that was the worst case, the least likely to happen.  And, predictably, what we feared happened to us.  They went in but couldn’t get out.  When they stayed inside longer than I had planned, I realized they needed me.  When I sneaked in to help them, the scene I saw was the worst. 

I couldn’t remember every detail, but all the things happened came to life before my eyes;  the armed men surrounding them, the way I prepared an escape plan as fast as I could, the shooting, that hit him, by one of the men when we were finally able to get out, the tears I had been holding along the way to the hospital, his cries of pain and my sobs… I remember I was tired from crying, I must have fallen asleep. We had been through a lot that night, a new one was added to our memories that we wanted to shelve.

And here we come to the end, the moment when I woke up alone at the airport. I managed to remember everything, but I still did not understand how I got here.  If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that it couldn’t have been anyone else but him that brought me here. I had my passport and a plane ticket in the small bag on my lap. The departure time of the plane was an hour later.  When I looked at the ticket a little more, I realized that it was a one-way ticket.  Here I was, forlorn and alone, again. It was like I was back on track, this wasn’t the first time he had left me like that.  That was what hurt the most, that he could give up on me so easily every time. Maybe he wasn’t giving up, he just wanted me to think he was.  Every time he left me he somehow found me again. I had many chances to ask him but I was a coward who avoided the answers he could give. I couldn’t find the strength in myself to handle what I could hear. I don’t know if I was sure that he would find me again in a few months. He made me feel this fear every time, the fear of losing him. I accepted what was going to happen as I always did and got up to board the plane. I had to do it for my chance to see him again.

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