My Compass

Theo and I met about seven years ago when we were in the same class at middle school. Since the day we met, we have never been apart. And now we are sitting in my room writing our college application letters. He was much more successful than me, we were both applying to the same universities, but I was sure that he would get accepted to a better university. I knew that one day we would have to move away from each other, but I was sure that the bond between us would never break.

After a couple of months, our acceptance letters arrived. My guesses were correct, and Theo’s letter was from Harvard. We were soo excited for him. But then I realized that he will go far away from me. But I was trying not to show it to him. I was happy for him, I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me. And the day has come that he’d leave. I didn’t feel sad anymore, no matter how much distance came between us, our friendship would continue. He’d be back during the holidays anyway.

After he left, my life has changed a lot. I realized that he was the majority of my life. When he left, my days began to pass very emptily. It was another quiet day, he was calling. He said he had a surprise, he sounded very excited. He said that he had bought a plane ticket and asked if I wanted to visit him for the holiday. I agreed without hesitation, almost shouting and not realizing it until he warned me.

And the day has come that he’d leave. I didn’t feel sad anymore, no matter how much distance came between us, our friendship would continue. He will be back during the holidays anyway. We talked for hours in his dorm room. Sometimes I felt that it wasn’t the same as before, but I didn’t pay much attention. I thought he might be tired from school so I didn’t ask. I was only going to stay for a week and I should have used my time better. We spent the days I stayed with him as full as possible. The day has come for me to return. I was waiting for my plane after Theo dropped me off at the airport. After one or two hours, I got a voicemail from Theo. From what I understood from the message, he thought I left, but my flight was delayed. I didn’t quite understand his message. He sounds much more depressed than usual. I had a bad feeling I had to go to him. Theo kept sending me voicemails and his voice was getting worse and worse. The things he said didn’t sound like Theo at all. Theo was crying, and as he cried, so I did. In one of the messages, he said that the reason for all this was that I couldn’t be with him. His way of coping was being by my side, hearing this from Theo made me feel even more terrible. But I didn’t understand why he had waited for me to go to say all this. I still couldn’t find Theo, and I didn’t know where to look for him.

The whole world fell silent. Am I the only one hearing this cry for help? I looked at all the places he might have gone, to all the private locations that he told me, and not only told but showed me. Theo wasn’t there anywhere I went, I couldn’t find him. I lost my direction, and he was my compass. I couldn’t find the right path, and obviously, I wouldn’t find it again after today.

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