One morning, I woke up and realized I could hear everyone’s inner voice. That day, it all felt like a dream first- hearing so many noises in my head was overwhelming and I felt crazy. On my cozy bed, under the blankets, I tried to hide under my pillow and close my ears but I could still hear those voices.
I could hear my brother’s complaints: “I wish I went to bed earlier… I’m so tired, why do we even have to get up this early even at weekends?” I could hear my mother, humming a song, but her thoughts were also right in my head, echoing through my ears: “I need to go shopping, I wonder if Alex finished his homework- oh no, I forgot the bread!”
It wasn’t really enjoyable to know what everyone felt right now, and I was starting to get dizzy. I felt lost- I couldn’t hear my own voice inside my head. I had to do something- but I knew that if I told my family about this, they would probably think that I went mad. So, I pulled myself together and got up from my bed.
While washing my face with ice-cold water, I could feel myself getting calmer each second. I almost got used to these voices but still surprised, and confused about why this was happening. I got downstairs to have breakfast with my family, and all of them were there, sitting and chatting- but they all had two voices coming out of them: one was their words and one was the thoughts in their minds.
As I sat down on the table, they continued to chat. I looked over at my grandma, and realized that she didn’t have much thoughts going on in her mind. I could feel the confusion in her though- “Maybe because Alzheimer,” I thought. It then hit me- I could read people’s minds. I could use this power to understand people who aren’t able to express themselves!
As I continued to stare at my grandma, I could listen to her mind: “I wonder who is this nice boy. He looks too much like my grandson.” I was getting excited- and terrified at the same time. If my dad didn’t poke me on my shoulder, I would continue to try to understand her, I think.
“Why are you staring at your grandma like that, Alex,” he asked, “You know, that’s not the nicest thing to do. Staring like that.” I just nodded and started to eat my breakfast. I was in between two choices: finding a way to stop the voices or to use this in order to help other people.
The weight of my secret was getting heavier each day, since I couldn’t use it for good. I worked too hard to try to control it too- because it hurt to hear everyone’s thoughts sometimes: just the truth in front of you, throwing on your face like that. I had learned too much about too many people. I wanted to throw up all of them, but couldn’t.
One day, I was sitting with my grandma, alone. She was calm as usual, thinking about random things, I almost enjoyed her ideas and thoughts. She was pure like a baby, her inner voice was an imitation of her own voice that I missed to hear, since she was much more silent after getting diagnosed with this disease. I stared at her, and she looked back at me. Her mind went quiet, and her eyes stared at me, right into my soul, almost. That’s when I heard her voice, not in my head, she talked: “I know your secret, Alex.”
I was surprised. I tilted my head, and she called me next to her. I approached her and sat down, letting myself relax under gentle pets. “In each generation of our family, we had a non-verbal just like you, Alex,” she whispered. “The first one was your great great-grandfather Jake, and he had committed a great sin- which led him be punished by God,” she sighed, “He couldn’t talk and express himself, but could know everything about others. It wasn’t allowed for him to speak up but was a gift for everyone else.” I was trying to understand. She continued, “Ever since, in each generation, one of us is born non-verbal and this power will appear later in life.” She then turned to me, with big serious eyes, “But the ones before you- they all have gone mad. They couldn’t control their power, and learned too many things, Alex, too many things…”
She continued to caress my hair, as I listened to her, feeling confused, thinking if she was making these up. “I am not,” I was scared. Did she just. Read my mind?” I don’t make things up. That’s why- that’s why I got this disease, that’s why I forget everything. I didn’t go mad, but I got Alzheimer.” She stared at my face for a second before continuing, “I’m filled with too many things in me, that my body deletes some of them now.”
“I thought I was the last one to get this power,” she said, “since I can speak. I thought that I broke the cycle, but I guess I couldn’t.” She giggled softly, but with a glimpse of sadness in her eyes, and smiled at me. “Come on, talk to me. I am the only one left in this world that can really hear your voice, can understand your sentences. Talk to me, Alex. Talk to me before it’s too late, I don’t have much time left.” I was out of words, I just stared at her, and thought: “I love you so much, grandma. Thank you for telling me this. But what am I supposed to do with it now?”
“If you don’t want to go crazy, my child, you should learn how to control this power and leave all of the new information you heard that makes you feel bad. Write them down, then burn it. Talk to people, tell stories about the things you hear. Use your power for yourself too, in this world, no one cares about you other than you do for yourself. They didn’t believe you, did they? No one will believe you, Alex. Keep it as a secret. If you don’t, there will be consequences. But also, don’t keep them in you. Or you will turn into them, and leave yourself behind.”
As I was about to reply to her, her eyes suddenly turned blank, and stopped caressing my hair for a second. I knew that she had forgotten what she was doing again, and I slowly got up. Her little thoughts were back again, all without me in them.
I was left alone all by myself again. The only thing I wanted in my life was to hear my own voice, but all I had now was the voices of other people in my mind. I didn’t have the ability to speak, but I could hear everything, why life was this cruel? I never wanted this. “It’s all because that Jake bastard,” I thought. “If he didn’t exist, I could talk now!”
After my grandma passed away; I wrote everything I learned, made up stories with them and pushed the bad thoughts afar. People were starting to like my stories, they all thought that they found something about themselves in all of them. But whenever I wrote a new thing, I left a part of myself there. I learned to control my powers too, but I couldn’t control my end. I was vanishing each day, my own inner voice was gone, it was only others in my head now- Then I forgot how to hear, how to listen. I couldn’t see the world like I saw it before: colourful, full of hope. But it was now just like how others saw it: grey, monotone and boring. I lost my hope to talk, and went silent completely. I sometimes saw my grandmother in my dreams but she didn’t help me. I was all alone now- people were disgusting creatures, my mind was nothing but a garbage box.
