April 1st, 1937
Dear Diary, today it was such a crazy day. A soldier from France told me that they have something called “April Fools’ Day.” It was very new, and nobody had yet made a fool. On top of that, I woke up feeling like I wanted to cause some mischief. Today I was fighting against the Americans, or as my friend called them, “the big boys.” Just because they have more land doesn’t mean that they are stronger than us. So to make them a bit stressed, I thought it would be a fun joke—something that the whole world could laugh at during this stressful time— to send out letters or telegraphs all around the world saying that we had sent a nuclear bomb to America. At that moment, it seemed like such a funny joke and that everybody would laugh at it. Turns out, nuclear bombs were more dangerous than I thought, and nobody found this as hilarious as I did. The morning started as usual. I got up, brushed my teeth, and put on my stylish war clothing. They are so cool with the camouflage design that I absolutely love them. They definitely gave the same vibe as the leaves people would wear when they didn’t have any actual items to wear. After I put on my outfit, I picked up my guns, this journal, some food, meds, and some hand bombs, and put them in my pockets and in my fanny bag.
Not long after, a tank came to the house where we were staying and picked up six soldiers and me, and we went to the battlefield. Thankfully, I was on communication duty, so it made it easier for me to connect with other American soldiers. As the tank dropped me off at the communication center, I went inside and moved to the furthest desk so nobody could hear me. I pressed the numbers that would connect us to the American communications center and waited for somebody to pick it up. When someone answered, the first thing I said was, “German soldier talking. As we speak, our jets are over the Atlantic Ocean about to reach America and drop a nuclear bomb on the West Coast. I repeat, a nuclear bomb is about to be released on your West Coast. Over.” I was laughing to myself when I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I slowly turned my head around and saw my commander staring at me with a stern look and wide eyes. Right when I saw him, I dropped to my knees and started begging him not to kill me. After a little while, I think he finally had sympathy for me and said that I was good to go.I left the communication center and saw some people running toward me. I could not make out who they were, so I squinted my eyes, only to see American soldiers coming to the center at full speed. I ran as fast as I could to get to the secret bunker because after such a long day, I could not deal with annoying Americans. I was running to the bunkers at full speed when I heard a tank following me; it was way faster than I was, so it didn’t have a hard time catching up. When the tank passed me, it braked in front of me—the audacity—and the last thing I heard before blacking out was a “bonk” sound. Now I’m here, at an American hostage center. Thank God I packed this journal before leaving the bunker. Hopefully, my lieutenant saves me from this hellhole.
Thanks for listening to me again, my dear,
Lots of love and prayers from god to keep us safe during this world crisis,
Erwin Rommel