One last turn. It’s quiet, but the notes echo in my ears suspended in the air. In front of me is a ballerina in a pitch-black costume. It’s as if the fire has captured the ballerina by drawing a circle. The color of their sparks is dancing, red swirling around orange and orange swirling around yellow. Her eyes sparkle in this radiant look and she’s looking somewhere. Black like her costume, her elegant make-up makes her look scary but reveals the desire behind her eyes. My heart stops for a moment, I feel like all the organs inside me have come out. Her eyes are blank… as if they are floating towards me, only me. I open my mouth one last time ” ▀ ▀ ▀ “
Suddenly I stand up as if jumping in sweat. I was breathing hard as if I was really in those fires. When I was a little more myself, I looked around to remember where I was. For some reason, while I was thinking that I would be in a dark place, I remembered that my surroundings had nothing to do with my dream. While mirrors were covering from top to bottom of this room, which is surrounded by white walls, it adds an air of sparkling style everywhere. Then I saw that I was surrounded by people… Oh right, I fall, no, I passed out from exhaustion. Maybe I was too caught up in the recital. I found myself turning repeatedly, like an ambitious dog clawing madly, to return to Pirouette, which made the final part of the dance so perfect. To be the lead dancer, to be selected… I realized that the room wasn’t that white after all. Conversations were blurring in my ears, like the muffled color of the room, and my only concern was to chase after the director to see if I had succeeded. When I saw the director enter the small dressing room at the back of the backstage, I got up from where I was in a second and went after the director, ignoring the sounds coming after me. The moment I walked in, I noticed that he was sitting on a chair as if he was waiting for someone in this room, which was covered with slightly dust, brown tones, and surrounded by weak, ocher lamps around the mirrors. The moment I closed the door, “If someone had told me something like this was going to happen, I would have said it was impossible.” I hesitated for a moment. Was that a compliment? No no, I don’t think so, the director couldn’t be complimenting me right now, I must have lost my mind but was he really serious? “You do know that this dance will be more flamboyant than any that has been done so far and that people are running out of tickets just to watch it, right?” I swallowed hard and nodded as yes. “Then don’t waste this chance and trust I’ve given you, you’re the star of this show. Shine the way you want.” “Hahahaha” all that came out of my mouth was just a laugh. While the director was talking with his back to me, he turned to my side and just stared at me with his big green eyes. The face of this man, whose face was full of sharp lines, who was very handsome, turned strange. It was probably because of me. When he started to approach me I wiped the thin bright tears on my cheeks and thanked him and left the room in a hurry. It was like a dream, a dream that has nothing to do with the nightmare I had. When I returned to the hall, many people began to applaud me. What a strange feeling, I was like an invisible pearl in the grass. My instinct to want, my desires, like an arrogant being, had risen with this welcome. The missing princess was found from the forest where she was lost and was finally brought to the palace where she should have been. All I do after this day is rehearse, rehearse, rehearse…
Weeks later…
My feet were bleeding all over from blisters. After all, a pearl cannot take on its elegant, sparkling, snow-white color without processing it. When I came to the room to get ready, everyone was running around. While some were trying to do my make-up, the costumes were gushing out of the closets. Everything was ready and perfect. After a while, only I was left in the room. I was all alone in my costume, which reflected the endless darkness of the night before me, while elegantly on the one hand, and making me say I was here. It was literally calling me, screaming as if saying I belonged to it. Just as I turned around, my face felt a thin but warm feeling. It hurt, it was almost as if it was burning. As if my eyes were going crazy, my eyes looked at the person who slapped me. Dressed like white snow, with blue eyes controlling the surroundings with her stance unlike me, standing in front of me was a person that even a princess would be nothing next to her. The blue in her eyes was burning like a blue fire. But she just stopped and walked away. What was that now! The fire inside me started to rise, my eyes were spinning like crazy.
I put on the costume and took my place. Everything was blurry in my eyes, there was only greed and anger. The slap must have made my cheek bleed. Everyone backstage was trying to understand what was going on and at the same time, they were trying to fix my spoiled make-up. I went on stage not caring about anything. I was perfect. The redness on my face did not spoil my make-up, on the contrary, it made me perfect. Applause could be heard from everywhere, the dancers in the background continued to dance in this situation, but they were confused because of my actions. Everything was perfect, I was shining. I was dancing like crazy, everyone was watching me. I was floating in this wave of applause. Fires started to surround me. I could see the dance of red with orange and orange with yellow. There was only me in the middle of the stage and the fire surrounding me. As the fire rose, I turned even more. The whole place was covered with fire at last and I was laughing, I was just laughing. The words that came out of my mouth last time were “ I am perfect.”